How Music Can Speak To Us

For many years now I've loved Baz Luhrmann's adaptation of an essay into the spoken word song, "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen." The essay by Mary Schmich is a hypothetical commencement speech and was written in 1997. Luhrmann's song came out in 1999. When I taught middle schoolers I used the song as part of a multi-day lesson in which they read the text (not knowing what it was) and highlighted, commented, and reacted to what they read. Then I played the song for them and they reacted again to how the audio interpretation impacted their understanding of and reaction to the piece. And finally I shared the video version to which they reacted a final time. The point of the lesson was how we react differently to text, sound, and visuals, and how we use audio and visual interpretations to manipulate or alter the meaning of text. 

It was a successful lesson and I enjoyed doing it every year. I've been listening to this song (filled with nuggets of advice) for nearly 20 years. When I first heard it I WAS the youth which it addresses at the start. Now I am the 40-something person that is still determining what she wants to do with her life. Oh--I have my profession and it's one that I love--but what to do with the years of hours outside my work is what is yet TBD. 

My choice to move to Mongolia and live life in a big city (the biggest city to date for me--a city of 1.4M) has allowed me to do or practice a number of things referenced in the essay/song. Please indulge me while I annotate the lyrics below with some thoughts or reflections (Lyrics--in Courier Font and Left Justified--copied from this website) My comments are in Verdana font and Right Justified. I confess this post is a bit more self indulgent than many. 
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Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97:

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now

My time in Mongolia HAS been a meandering experience. 

I came here thinking I'd stay forever, 

now I know differently. 

As my mother once advised me--

when considering a big life decision,

 imagine what is the worst that could happen.

 If you can live with the worst,

 then you should go for it.

 And so that's what I did.

 I moved for Love, and I knew the Love could end

 or fail or be not what I thought.

 And the worst that could happen....
Heartbreak, tears, anger and hurt came to pass.

BUT,         

 I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and moving on. 
Because that's who I am and what I do.

And so I will soon meander some more. 

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; or never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine

Wow, 20 years ago I was 24 years old and embarking on my first marriage. Now I'm wrapping up my third. Yep. Truth.

Youth is wasted on the young. But so it goes.

I think I have a lot of possibility before me.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubblegum. 
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that Never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday 

Worry is attention on the future.

Regret is attention on the past.

Let go of both and be in the Now.

This is what I am working to embrace and be and do.

Do one thing every day that scares you

Difficult to do daily.

But I do endeavor to push past my fears.

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts; don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours

This is why I had to leave. 

He was reckless with my heart.

Floss

As my father and I learned in the summer of 2014,

travel in Mongolia REQUIRES floss!!

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself

When I joined the Army in 1991 the motto was,

"Be all you can be." 

It's the best motto the Army has ever had.

It's what is being said here in the song.
It's what I endeavor to be.

Remember the compliments you receive; forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your Life. 
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t

There are many ways to interpret this passage.

I know what I want to do with my professional life.

I'm doing it. I love it. 

But all the rest of my life....is in the process of being created.

I tell my high school students that life is 
a constant work in progress 
and more than anything I want them to know
 it's OKAY to change your mind. 
In any situation, in any moment.

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else’s

I've married. 
For a year. For 14 years. For 3 years (left after 2).
And divorced every time.

I never had a longing for children of my own.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

I do all I can to keep it healthy and in good working condition.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room

Queen Night Club

I definitely want more dancing in my life.

While in Mongolia my favorite dancing has happened here,

Queen Night Club in Darkhan.

Strange that I had to head to a smaller town to have fun dancing.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly

Get to know your parents; you never know when they’ll be gone for good

Ironically my move halfway around the world
 brought me closer to both of my parents. 
I'm thankful for that and for the 
technology that makes the connections possible. 

Be nice to your siblings; 
they are your best link to your past and the
People most likely to stick with you in the future

My love affair with a Mongolian man opened up my heart
 in new ways--
ways that made it possible for me to connect 
with my older sister and 
gave us a deeper friendship than we'd known before. 
That is a gift!

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you Should hold on

I feel fortunate to make good friends everywhere I go.

And we do hold on to one another.

Nothing beats patio drinks with good friends

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard

Living in Ulaanbaatar gave me the "city life" 
experience I've always wished for. 
I get around by bus and taxi. 
I can walk almost anywhere I want to go. 
I have LOVED not needing a car and all it requires.
My next city has a population of over 4M!!!

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft

Travel

Moving to Mongolia was one kind of relocation.

Because of that move the world of international education
was opened up to me. 
I suppose it always was, 
I did not know about it. 
Now I get to work abroad and travel. 
Stay tuned to see where I'll be going in the next year.
There are a NUMBER of things in the works!! 

Accept certain inalienable truths: 
prices will rise, politicians will philander, 
you too will get old-- 
and when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, 
politicians were noble 
and children respected their elders

Respect your elders

Don’t expect anyone else to support you

And don't allow others to assume
 it is YOUR job to support them either!

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85

I always remember this lyric when I think

about dying my hair. I have some grays coming in

but I haven't dyed my hair in years now. 

Not sure what to do. Sometimes I want to change it,

sometimes I'm really proud of being natural.

Mind still changing on this topic!!

Be careful whose advice you buy, 
but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia. 
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth

But trust me on the sunscreen

UB Sunset

This is just one song that speaks to me. Of course there are many more. Thanks for indulging me this post. It was fun to listen to the song on repeat and in a way to "talk back to it."

Goodbyes and Transitions

Tomorrow will be my last day of work at my school here in Ulaanbaatar. Last Friday we graduated our seniors and yesterday was our last day with students. I've been both "Ms. Heather" and "Ms. Caveney" during my tenure. While the secondary students are aware of my departure I expect some of the incoming 6th graders will be disappointed when they come to the Learning Commons and discover I am not here. I will miss their smiling, fresh faces! 

Three special students--two of which I did not teach directly--made the time to appreciate me and that was nice. This handmade card was from a star student that worked with me on the Book Drive in January and February. A homemade chocolate cupcake accompanied it!

This next card is from a student that was in my college essay writing extra-curricular in the fall. I also helped her with recent essay applications for summer programs like the Mongolian Young Scholars Program through the famous Zorig Foundation which "aims to continue his legacy by spreading democratic values and ideals throughout Mongolia." We are still waiting to hear if she was accepted. Either way her essay about the need for Mongolians to find alternatives to their over-usage and reliance of plastic bags was powerful and personal. Both of these young ladies will go far in life no matter if they are in Mongolia or abroad. 

Finally, one of my AP Literature students brought me this beautiful bouquet of flowers last Friday before her graduation ceremony. They lasted nearly a week at my desk! I remember her visiting me at the end of last school year asking, "is AP going to be hard?" My answer was that it would be challenging! I'm glad she took on the challenge as her work and contributions in class were stellar! It was a pleasure to teach AP Literature and I'm thankful for the opportunity and will, I'm sure, miss teaching it this coming year (though I'll have plenty of NEW to learn and adapt to!). ASU gave me the opportunity to add two experiences to my resume--elementary library experience and teaching AP Literature. 

This summer I'll be relocating to Turkey, for my new position as Head Librarian at the American Collegiate Institute in Izmir, just a five minute walk from a promenade on the Aegean Sea. I know I mentioned it previously but here are some links to explore a bit more about the school, it's operating foundation, and the locale:

• Facebook page for ACI
• Instagram account for ACI
• ACI is a high school which shares a campus with an elementary/middle school, additionally SEV, the foundation that owns the schools also has schools in Istanbul and Tarsus
• Ideal location for travel!
• Turkey is considered the "cradle of civilization" and the Seven Churches of Revelation are located in the country 
• Gobekli Tepe, 6,000 years OLDER than Stonehenge, oldest monumental structure ever built! 

If you spend just 15 minutes researching Turkey you will find PLENTY of sites worthy of exploration. My problem will be deciding when to explore Turkey and when to hop to a country in Europe! I'm building a "bucket list" for both.

I know that some family and friends have expressed concern about my safety in Turkey. My response is two-fold. First--I've spoken with a number of current teachers at ACI and they all say they feel safe both at ACI and in Izmir/Turkey. One of them said he feels safer in Izmir than any other large city he's lived in stateside, as well as many European cities he's visited. Additionally, he said it feels safer every year. As any expat living abroad and plugged into the U.S. Department of State's Smart Traveler Enrollment Program knows--you receive notifications and newsletters from your local U.S. Embassy in country to stay abreast of anything concerning. 

Secondly I'd say that in this day and age "safety" is a bit up to the person and their experience, knowledge of, and interaction with their surroundings. Many Mongolian parents are sending their students to university in Canada because they feel the U.S. is NOT safe. I'd say that as we continue to become more diverse that safety is relative and a lot about mentality. I think what's most important is to be an informed citizen and traveler, to carry oneself with confidence, and be situation-ally smart. I plan to keep on doing what I've been doing. Fear can find us in any place, any time, and among any kind of circumstance--and we choose what to do with that fear. I will choose to be informed and prepared and push off from that foundation. 

Soviet mosaic art on Apartment Bldg

On that note I've been reflecting on my three years in Ulaanbaatar. In some moments it seems like just yesterday when everything was new, strange, and unexpected. I was afraid to take shortcuts walking anywhere and did not know what to find or expect in alley ways or among apartment blocks. The sounds and smells were foreign and unknown. But now I see that the city that was once scary did become familiar, became my home. There are things I will not miss (pollution, trash, traffic) and things I will miss-- the "big land country" feeling that is evoked no matter if you are in the desert, on the steppe, or in the mountains, drinking with good friends on patios in the UB summer time, and the sight of cattle walking on city streets. I expect I will reflect more in the coming days and months......

About the transition I'd like to tell you that I will wrap up "Mongolia" and my feelings and experiences about the country HERE on this blog. I will also soon be sharing a link to a NEW blog which I am building for my future adventures. My time as the American Tomboy in Mongolia is coming to a close. I expect there to be a little overlap--I'll write about Mongolia here and will share thoughts about my new place, work, and adventures on the new blog. So...please stay tuned for more information soon. Thanks for traveling with me!

Stress impacts Health

Recent Rain

My sister-in-law recently commented to me that she always thought I was someone that handled stress well. I agreed. But recent events pushed me past my limit. I began to experience a sort of health crisis beginning in mid January. It started one Friday when I opted to walk home from work. I felt a pressure in the middle of my chest, directly between my breasts, and I found it difficult to get a deep breath into my lungs. As the evening progressed, I began to fear I was having a heart attack, yet my Fitbit indicated nothing strange in my heart rate. I had no other pain. I made it through the night, albeit in discomfort, and then went to the hospital the next morning. I saw the cardiac guy. They listened and even did an ECG. Nothing to report--all was normal. 

But from that date until now I've had issues. For the first two months my days would be pretty normal, but my nights would be disrupted. I would awaken after a couple hours of sleep with that pressure in my chest. It required sitting up, walking around, trying everything to get myself to burp and release the pressure. It was obvious that I was suffering from some sort of gastrointestinal problem. However, it was really JUST pressure on the chest and a sudden amount of burping. This was uncharacteristic from anything in my past beyond one or two episodes of heartburn experienced a number of years ago. And this was my first digestive issue since having had emergency gallbladder surgery four years ago. As my current health insurance includes a once-a-year health screening, I did it all. I wrote about that in this previous post. At the end of all the tests there was no significant finding. Nothing to explain what was causing my discomfort. 

Dressed up for Children's Day, June 1

With the problem persisting I began to address my diet. I cut out wheat and dairy. Then, as I mentioned at the end of that previous post, I embarked on a detox over spring break. I DID begin to feel a bit better around day five. I noticed around lunch time that day that I was burping less. However, a few hours later and my world was turned upside down with the unexpected return of Z from the U.S. The next morning my symptoms were back as strong as ever despite the fact that I was in the middle of my detox and had eaten nothing but fruit for five days and over the next week added only vegetables into the mix. All of it natural food items--nothing processed or refined. 

I have come to believe/deduce that my gastrointestinal issues are the result of me "stuffing" the truth down. Hiding the reality of Z and I's disintegrated relationship and putting up the facade that we were yet together to protect E's education....it all literally made me sick. When Z made certain choices early last month he made it clear that he did not care if people knew the truth about our relationship status (that I had left him nine months before) and it was also clear that E's education was not the most important thing to either of them. Everything I've done since leaving Z in August has been to protect both myself (well being and safety) AND E's education.  While I disagree with Z's recent actions, it has been liberating to let the truth out. I am feeling better day by day. My problems are NOT gone yet. I spent months creating what I believe is a "tic" of sorts--tying my own stomach into knots causing me to burp and to have pressure and upper GI gas most of the time (a strain of GERD). It is taking time and concerted effort to make my body relax. As Z and E have chosen to harass me instead of letting go, I continue to address the stress and it's physical manifestations in my body. 

Darkhan Man Metal Sculpture

This past weekend was a long weekend with Children's Day a holiday on Friday. It was late that evening when it dawned on me that for the FIRST day since January 12th that I had been completely symptom free. Wow! It was nice to feel 100% normal for an entire day. With the first divorce court date this week, the symptoms haven't left. Z isn't being cooperative and therefore we are taking the slower route to divorce. No matter what we speed we go, the destination remains the same. As the famous Richard Bach saying goes, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." I'm setting myself free and in the end I do not believe we belong to another--only to ourselves.

Before long I will be off on my new adventure and I suspect that ALL of my health issues will disintegrate in no time at all. Not to mention I'll be surrounded by a great plethora of fresh fruits, veggies, and even seafood! Yippee for me!