On Being Reckless

Driving home to the Valley

I know there are a few in my circles of friends and family that wish/think I should wait to get married. Though they don't use the word, I know they consider me a little reckless. So let's talk about this. 

According to Dictionary.com, reckless means: "utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action; without caution; careless." Quite the contrary I am deeply invested in the consequences of this action. I have shipped my life (15 boxes and soon 5 suitcases) to the other side of the world. I have procured employment and the proper paperwork. I am not just moving to another city or state to make a life with this man. The time and money and energy invested illustrates intention (a type of caution, is it not?) And there is only OODLES of care invested. From him to me, and from me to him.

Digging a little deeper, the Oxford English Dictionary defines it as: "Heedless of or indifferent to the consequences of one's actions; lacking in prudence or caution; willing or liable to take risks; rash, foolhardy; irresponsible."

All I can to that is that YES, I am willing to take risks. But as there are multiple hearts involved, I've made every choice with incredible responsibility. And this has not happened overnight. It's been months in the making. 

As I drove home from my Bon Voyage party late Saturday night, I thought a lot about the meaning of reckless. Primarily, I thought about what happens if one opts to NOT be a little reckless from time to time. Think of the people we admire throughout history--for actions big or small. I'll give you a list of a few to consider for this exercise (those bolded are some of my favs): Joan of Arc, MLK Jr, Queen Elizabeth I, Amelia Earhart, Gandhi, Georgia O'Keeffe, Rosa Parks, Sacagawea, Patrick Henry, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Harriet Tubman, Lewis & Clark, Anne Frank, the Dalai Lama. Shoot....even all of the religious/spiritual folks--Jesus, Buddha, Muhammed, Confucius, etc. All of these people were reckless in some way or manner. Think of young Anne Frank scribbling away in her diary, unknowingly documenting to inform the world.

Now, do not misunderstand me. I would never argue for being reckless with the heart or emotions of another. Nor do I think we should be reckless when young souls are involved. We should always assess the impact of our choices--for ourselves and all of those that could/may be impacted. I do not argue for a general disregard. However, I do think that if we desire a path that does not resemble the general route for someone of our age, generation, locale....then it may require a spoonful of recklessness to MAKE IT HAPPEN. It's the whole "Go big...or go home" attitude. When I first began to consider moving to Mongolia--sometime in October--I attempted to dismiss it. To qualify it as crazy. But my heart knew that IF we were gonna make a go of it, me moving there was the right choice. And then I simply thought, "And why not?" 

Sunrise over the FVS Prairie ("magic in it.")

As for the marriage.....it may seem reckless to those on the outside. I can see that. I have not yet known this man for one year. But I DO know him better than I've known any other man in my lifetime. We know one another beyond the intellectual and emotional realms. We know each other soulfully. My heart and soul is at home, at rest, when I am in his orbit. And I daresay he feels the same about me. This is not reckless for us--it is simply home and right. 

Before and After

Before and after pictures

I got my first tattoo on November 15, 1990, as my seventeenth birthday present (I was a junior in high school). For some time my mother had been asking me what I wanted and after a steady response of, "a tattoo," she conceded and took me to Eric Vondar's tattoo parlor in Chambersburg, PA. Because I was underage, she had to sign off for me to get it. She paid--$90, if I remember correctly--and watched while I got it (the rose tattoo). 

This was BEFORE the tattoo craze took hold in America. I was unique...for a very brief period of time. :) 

The following summer I went to Army Basic Training at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. At it's completion, I got my second tattoo--a wolf in front of a vibrant setting sun (I will never forget the hot, beating, orange sun of Missouri's summer. Brutal!). The wolf had been my favorite animal since my early adolescent years and continues to be so. There is something lovely in the fact that they are loyal pack animals, but also that there is the occasional lone wolf that never aligns with a pack. They are beautiful and strong and free and wild. 

I became obsessed with tattoos for a spell. I subscribed to a couple of magazines and even did my informational speech (Communications class in college) on the culture of tattoos and how it was shifting in popular culture at that time (1993). I wanted to get a third one but could never settle on what to get and its meaning for my life...and so I never did. But before I head off into the land of the eternal blue sky, I did decide to get these two tattoos, both over 23 years old, recolored, refreshed. 

You see, my life before knowing Zorig was a bit muted, faded, lacking color and vibrancy in some departments. As mentioned before, I am blessed with an incredible family, my professional life has always been rewarding, and I've made damn good friends wherever I go. But my personal love life, before Z, did not have rich, dark hues, or a broad range of colors. I had been living as if in a state of colorblindness. I did not know what I could not see.....before Z. But then his words, his feeling, his pursuit and expression washed over me and my heart. My colorblindness is gone. My life's rainbow is bigger and bolder than ever imagined. So sometimes....you just need the opportunity to recolor your life. I'm digging these "afters"......

One Last Gig

In the Hacienda Courtyard, in my uniform

I stuck around in Colorado this long because I work a summer gig at FVS called the Gardner Carney Leadership Institute. I have had the pleasure of being their Director of Operations (a little like being both a Resident Assistant and a Cruise or Tour Director) for their annual Leadership Lab for the past three summers. This is not the type of work I had done before, and it grew me in new ways, in good ways. It made me humble and appreciative of so many people that we overlook in every day life. To accomplish my mission of a successful and enjoyable experience for nine faculty members and 59 participants, I worked closely with our dining hall staff and our maintenance and facilities crews. I texted and made phone calls early in the morning and after 9 PM, and they were always there to help and deal with the issue at hand. I was simply the liaison, the person to find the appropriate help to address an issue. (Thanks to Sharon, Eddie, Tommy, Conrad, Brett, Lupe, Ruby, Patrick, Bryan, Madeline, Iris, Tammy, and every other person that made the week awesome!)

View over our prairie one morning

This reminds me a bit of how they say (that strange collective they) we should all be a waiter/waitress, at least once in our lifetime. It provides perspective and appreciation for the work that those employees do. This is also true of being a behind-the-scenes person. I took pleasure in seeing the participants explore our campus, engage in the work with faculty and peers, and honestly, enjoy a few days away from their regular pace and way of life. Many of them take a moment to thank me, and it's strangely embarrassing. Because I'm behind the scenes, I prefer to be almost invisible. That's the humbling piece. 

When I moved to Education 10 years ago, a wise mentor librarian told me, "the most important people in the school are the admin assistants and the custodial crew. Know them, and appreciate them." That was valuable advice and I took it to heart. These are the people that get shit done! And if they can't do it themselves, then they know who to reach (and how) to accomplish the mission in the least amount of time possible. They make the business run, the world go 'round. 

"Oh the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss

At the closing dinner on Wednesday evening, the faculty took a moment to recognize my work and to wish me well on my Grand Adventure. They gave me a copy of Dr. Seuss's Oh the Places You'll Go and a gift card to Amazon (though I've had to give up Amazon Prime, I CAN still stock my Kindle! Yay!). Their gift was thoughtful and meaningful and just the way for me to head off into the wild blue yonder. It also prompted more participants to seek me out and "hear the story." 

Confession: I don't want to talk about the work I did this past week, BUT I do so love to tell my story. The story of Zorig and Heather. How a few days of friendship, followed by a long distance, virtual relationship, then led to a flight over the Pacific and seven weeks together to DISCOVER what was real, or not....has led to the biggest love and adventure of our lives. Yes, this is a story I will never tire of telling, or living.