Stress impacts Health

Recent Rain

My sister-in-law recently commented to me that she always thought I was someone that handled stress well. I agreed. But recent events pushed me past my limit. I began to experience a sort of health crisis beginning in mid January. It started one Friday when I opted to walk home from work. I felt a pressure in the middle of my chest, directly between my breasts, and I found it difficult to get a deep breath into my lungs. As the evening progressed, I began to fear I was having a heart attack, yet my Fitbit indicated nothing strange in my heart rate. I had no other pain. I made it through the night, albeit in discomfort, and then went to the hospital the next morning. I saw the cardiac guy. They listened and even did an ECG. Nothing to report--all was normal. 

But from that date until now I've had issues. For the first two months my days would be pretty normal, but my nights would be disrupted. I would awaken after a couple hours of sleep with that pressure in my chest. It required sitting up, walking around, trying everything to get myself to burp and release the pressure. It was obvious that I was suffering from some sort of gastrointestinal problem. However, it was really JUST pressure on the chest and a sudden amount of burping. This was uncharacteristic from anything in my past beyond one or two episodes of heartburn experienced a number of years ago. And this was my first digestive issue since having had emergency gallbladder surgery four years ago. As my current health insurance includes a once-a-year health screening, I did it all. I wrote about that in this previous post. At the end of all the tests there was no significant finding. Nothing to explain what was causing my discomfort. 

Dressed up for Children's Day, June 1

With the problem persisting I began to address my diet. I cut out wheat and dairy. Then, as I mentioned at the end of that previous post, I embarked on a detox over spring break. I DID begin to feel a bit better around day five. I noticed around lunch time that day that I was burping less. However, a few hours later and my world was turned upside down with the unexpected return of Z from the U.S. The next morning my symptoms were back as strong as ever despite the fact that I was in the middle of my detox and had eaten nothing but fruit for five days and over the next week added only vegetables into the mix. All of it natural food items--nothing processed or refined. 

I have come to believe/deduce that my gastrointestinal issues are the result of me "stuffing" the truth down. Hiding the reality of Z and I's disintegrated relationship and putting up the facade that we were yet together to protect E's education....it all literally made me sick. When Z made certain choices early last month he made it clear that he did not care if people knew the truth about our relationship status (that I had left him nine months before) and it was also clear that E's education was not the most important thing to either of them. Everything I've done since leaving Z in August has been to protect both myself (well being and safety) AND E's education.  While I disagree with Z's recent actions, it has been liberating to let the truth out. I am feeling better day by day. My problems are NOT gone yet. I spent months creating what I believe is a "tic" of sorts--tying my own stomach into knots causing me to burp and to have pressure and upper GI gas most of the time (a strain of GERD). It is taking time and concerted effort to make my body relax. As Z and E have chosen to harass me instead of letting go, I continue to address the stress and it's physical manifestations in my body. 

Darkhan Man Metal Sculpture

This past weekend was a long weekend with Children's Day a holiday on Friday. It was late that evening when it dawned on me that for the FIRST day since January 12th that I had been completely symptom free. Wow! It was nice to feel 100% normal for an entire day. With the first divorce court date this week, the symptoms haven't left. Z isn't being cooperative and therefore we are taking the slower route to divorce. No matter what we speed we go, the destination remains the same. As the famous Richard Bach saying goes, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." I'm setting myself free and in the end I do not believe we belong to another--only to ourselves.

Before long I will be off on my new adventure and I suspect that ALL of my health issues will disintegrate in no time at all. Not to mention I'll be surrounded by a great plethora of fresh fruits, veggies, and even seafood! Yippee for me!