Saturday, April 18, 2015

Exhaustion

This will be a brief. 

Being in a long distance relationship, and one that includes a 14 hour time difference (he's ahead that far!), 6,000 miles, and an ocean--is EXHAUSTING. 

Throughout the fall and early winter, everything was in the building process ....feelings, desires, possible routes for the future....we were getting to know one another and I seemed to have endless amounts of energy. Messaging and texting at all hours of the night and day....seemed a necessity. It was my new oxygen. 

But now....this second four and a half month stint of being apart......is making me weary. Tired. Frustrated.

My morning is his night. And my night is his midday. He is a night owl which has, thankfully, allowed us to  communicate more than some. But it is incredibly tiring to be in different head spaces when we communicate. When I am sleepy and tired, he is in the middle of his work day. When I am just waking, he is in darkness, perhaps out with friends for food and drink. Even when we are connecting....we are doing completely different things and in opposite moods. Even thinking about this to explain it.....is exhausting. 

.....AND.....I feel as if I'm waiting for my life to begin.....

There is this strangely familiar feeling about it. And today while out for a run, it hit me. This reminds me of the spring/summer of 1998 and waiting to get deployed. My Public Affairs unit was notified in early April of that year that we'd be going to Hungary/Bosnia/Croatia in support of Operation Joint Forge. But we had to wait months.....before we left. Which means it was another 8-9 months from departure before we returned and could resume our lives. I can remember wishing that we'd just deploy....and get going....so that we could begin to get on with our lives. 

Yes, the waiting to depart for Mongolia, for Ulaanbaatar, for Zorig.....feels a little like that. And yet.....far more intense because this is an affair of the heart. And my heart longs to be there.......

......already.

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