Sunday, April 26, 2015

What used to be Hogwash to me....

Florissant in January
I used to think that all that stuff about soulmates was hogwash! Some myth or fantasy that movies, songs, and hopeless romantics fed us to keep us searching for the impossible. To spend our lives in and out of relationships on an endless snipe hunt. It didn't matter that my mom was sure my stepfather was hers, or that my sister has encountered men that were that for her--despite the thwarting of time or place that ultimately derailed the relationship. It didn't matter that I love movies like The Notebook, Sliding Doors, Serendipity, Somewhere in Time, and Return to Me. I thought the concept of soulmates was a bunch of hooey!

I came across this article by Dr. Carmen Harra in which she says that "we're biologically designed to fall in love," and discusses the 10 Elements of a Soulmate. She astutely notes that, "we find ourselves skimming through more relationships than we'd like in order to find that one person who can truly open our locks." Long before I found this article today, I have had the feeling that Zorig, from our first interaction, has had access to my operator's manual. That he holds the keys to my heart and soul. I could not make sense of how he was able to open me up, to gain access to parts of myself that even I was not able to see or know. Everything about the becoming of us has been a mysterious and mystical experience. I live in the beautiful shade of it's awe each and every day. To say I feel "high on life" would be an understatement. 

For those that have known me a long time, you know that i ended a marriage last year after 14 years, and 16 years of being together. While a good guy, he was far from a soulmate. It's difficult for me to admit that we weren't even friends. I don't know that he ever knew me and can't remember the last time he tried to know me--internally. 


So to have Zorig say to me recently, "I want to discover you"......well, it's bit like a parched farm field getting a slow and easy, drizzling rain. One that it has waited years to feel soaking through the layers of its crumbling grit and sediment. With new rain of interest, and a steady and careful gardener, new life has taken root and I find myself blooming and opening up in ways I never could have predicted. 

Oh how he makes me smile!

Yes. I have been converted. I do believe this man is my soulmate. That we were destined to meet.... It was written in the stars......That we were made for one another.....and ALL that other romantic crap!

According to Dr. Harra, the 10 Elements of a Soulmate are as follows (with my commentary afterwards):

  1. It's something inside.
    It IS hard to describe. "I love you"/"bi chamd hairtai" never seems like enough. I want there to be a bigger way to say it, a deeper way. There should be more words to describe it.......I'm yet searching for them. 
  2. Flashbacks.
    This is the only point of the 10 that doesn't feel like a clear match. However, Zorig wished for me before he met me, and I can't explain what drew me so strongly to his country above all others--but it did. And from the moment he arrived to the US in December he felt so familiar to me. Like home.
  3. You just get each other.
    Despite the cultural and language divides that exist for us, we DO get each other in an easy and surprising way. 
  4. You fall in love with his (or her) flaws.
    I don't know that I want to call them flaws....perhaps differences? I miss intensely those couple of things that I found odd or strange during his visit--like eating oranges at midnight. :)
  5. It's intense.
    Yes, it is. It has been an all-consuming experience. The best analogy for describing what its done to me--is to say I feel a bit like the Grinch. Loving this man AND being loved by him makes me feel as though my heart has grown, expanded, within my chest. I have a greater capacity to give and to love. I dare to say it is softening my rough edges. 
  6. You two against the world.
    It certainly is. Who meets and spends just six days with someone and pursues a life and future together? He said it was love at first look for him--I took a couple months to come around. While I am happy to say that I've met with little resistance from family and friends, what we are doing is not your ordinary love story. When you live on different continents there is no middle ground, no compromising option. I decided in October, assuming his visit here was positive, that I would move to UB. He never asked me to--I offered because I knew in my gut it was the correct path. 
  7. You're mentally inseparable.
    Definitely. We often write the same sentiment at the same moment. There is something unseen that connects our thoughts, our minds. 
  8. You feel secure and protected.
    I have never felt this safe with a man, besides perhaps as a little girl while with my father. I have complete faith in this man's ability to care for me. I am proud of my strong independence. Always have been. But there are no words to describe how it feels, after years of standing solo and being in charge of so much, to allow myself to lean into this man that is so strong and confident. I know he will catch me if ever I fall. I have no doubt. 
  9. You can't imagine your life without him (or her).
    And so I move to Mongolia. Enough said. 
  10. You look each other in the eyes.
    From that first meeting in a dining room at the Edelweiss Hotel in Ulaanbaatar, we've been looking each other in the eye--searching and analyzing what is inside the other. To discern if what was drawing us close was real and true. Because the eyes are a window to so much more...

So that old saying..."never say never"...I strongly encourage you to heed it's message. If you aren't open to changing your mind about someone, something, some place, etc......then you may miss out on, well, who knows what. 

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