Sunday, March 29, 2015

First Freakout

I began an entirely different post this 
morning but have to abandon it
Thanks, Jason, for the discount!
(momentarily) because I believe I'm having my first real freakout. 

My apartment is in total disarray--shoes all over the place, stacks of books, boxes with name and number on them, others waiting to be shrink-wrapped, a pile for Goodwill, a pile for the trash, and random belongings in every nook and cranny--as I prepare a final load of boxes for container shipment. This will need to happen some evening this week as the April 5th deadline looms over me. 

But what's really got me is that I JUST made the switch to an iPhone. I picked the phone and case up yesterday and then visited the Sprint store this afternoon (thanks to Kira for excellent assistance and explanation!). 

I got my first MacBook (Air) back in August and am yet in the process of adjusting to it. Overall I really like it, but with my work laptop still a PC, I'm straddling both realms, saving things to both and moving items back and forth. I need to purchase MS Office for the Mac.....that's on the to-do list. 

I KNOW I will love the iPhone in no time (I am assured by all my friends and family that I'll never want anything BUT an iPhone!), but right now I miss the comfort of my old Samsung s3. I's SO old. But it has been my technological home for the past two years and I feel unsettled without it. Though I immediately downloaded all of my preferred apps, nothing is where I know it to be, the keyboard wouldn't let me swype (Thanks to a friend...I just downloaded Swype for a small cost), the sounds are all different, Zedge is not an option, and I think I shouldn't have had Kira wipe the Samsung clean--there were a few texts and voicemails I should have reviewed first. 

Patio visitor....random furry therapy? Perhaps.
I initially started to pace aimlessly around my apartment, then thought about eating something (though I'm not hungry). So here I am....sitting in the shade on my patio....writing it out. I started in my journal, but then thought, NO--I need to record this for posterity and for those that are following me. Because you see....this is only the beginning. 

In the weeks and months to come, I will be pushed and pulled beyond all known comfort zones. I will feel untethered, ungrounded, and all kinds of out-of-sorts. I can't predict the situations or the circumstances....but I know the feelings of unease are out hobgoblins on Halloween....and I will have to deal with them, one by one, along the path I travel. 

So in this moment.....on this warm and sunny afternoon in Colorado.....I'm sitting right here and calling out the weirdness. I'll text my friends to help me learn the phone. I'll finish the packing in the next day or two. And before I know it, I'll be teaching two sections of American Lit and sprinting through the last 40 school days. Before I know it, June will be here and my departure just around the corner. Yes, I should be grateful for a moment of unease in familiar surroundings and with good friends close is a luxury of sorts, really.

My humble request at this time is twofold.....(1) listen when I freak out--but don't react, and (2) choose to deal with your own fears head on. Because you see.....we all come full circle and back to Fear. It is our nemesis in this life. I think. 

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